Trick or Fuckin' Treat
I don't know when this trick-or-treat shit got a firm grip on Irish Juvenile Society but I am disappointed to have children who have got trapped in its adhesive quicksand, so to speak.
From their point of view, I can see how it's virtually impossible to resist - organised begging, wearing scary masks, guaranteed feast of treats. It never ceases to amaze me how addicted children are to sweets and treats of every kind. They're like junkies going around the place, demanding to know when they can get their next fix. e.g. "Can we eat them now?" "Can we eat our sweets before breakfast?" "Can we eat our sweets after breakfast?" "Can we eat our sweets before lunch?" "Can we eat our sweets after lunch?" "If I give you the wagon wheel, can I eat them now?" It's tiresome, so it is. For a bit of diversion, this year someone somewhere in the school or the village organised a children's Fancy Dress Disco. The after-disco analysis, I noted, focused solely on the amount of sweets (or "gear") that the kids could score. Hopefully, it will be replaced by nothing more potent than alcohol when they're older.
This year, I didn't dress up myself and go to the door with them. Instead, I waited patiently in the car with the engine running while they worked the houses. I didn't need to stress the importance of manners too strongly to them; they know that a pleasant smile and a "thank you" will ensure a good supply of goodies next year and will even ensure an increased supply of the real stuff and a reduction in the quantity of fruit in future Halloweens.
Anyway, the whole thing leaves me grumpy as hell. I was tired last night and the last thing I wanted to do was drive around in the cold, avoiding darkly-dressed gangs of children and looking at bags of sweets that I couldn't get my hands on. And another thing... What the hell does this "Trick or Treat" thing mean anyway. I have conducted enquiries on a broad range of children and none of them know. As far as they're concerned, it's just a thing they need to say in order to get sweets. Maybe it's just the American dream coming over to haunt us. The whole Halloween thing is traditionally strong in Ireland, so maybe this is a purposefully perverted version invented by the CIA or some other such shady imperialist organisation. Yes, that's it. They go around inventing ways of tapping into the greed of people around the world so that they will obey and follow the American way, making it virtually impossible for them to ever see America as anything but a benign, friendly nation. So there we are all smiling hypnotically while not noticing that Uncle Sam is behind us giving it to us up the mucky boreen while laughing his head off. Clever.
From their point of view, I can see how it's virtually impossible to resist - organised begging, wearing scary masks, guaranteed feast of treats. It never ceases to amaze me how addicted children are to sweets and treats of every kind. They're like junkies going around the place, demanding to know when they can get their next fix. e.g. "Can we eat them now?" "Can we eat our sweets before breakfast?" "Can we eat our sweets after breakfast?" "Can we eat our sweets before lunch?" "Can we eat our sweets after lunch?" "If I give you the wagon wheel, can I eat them now?" It's tiresome, so it is. For a bit of diversion, this year someone somewhere in the school or the village organised a children's Fancy Dress Disco. The after-disco analysis, I noted, focused solely on the amount of sweets (or "gear") that the kids could score. Hopefully, it will be replaced by nothing more potent than alcohol when they're older.
This year, I didn't dress up myself and go to the door with them. Instead, I waited patiently in the car with the engine running while they worked the houses. I didn't need to stress the importance of manners too strongly to them; they know that a pleasant smile and a "thank you" will ensure a good supply of goodies next year and will even ensure an increased supply of the real stuff and a reduction in the quantity of fruit in future Halloweens.
Anyway, the whole thing leaves me grumpy as hell. I was tired last night and the last thing I wanted to do was drive around in the cold, avoiding darkly-dressed gangs of children and looking at bags of sweets that I couldn't get my hands on. And another thing... What the hell does this "Trick or Treat" thing mean anyway. I have conducted enquiries on a broad range of children and none of them know. As far as they're concerned, it's just a thing they need to say in order to get sweets. Maybe it's just the American dream coming over to haunt us. The whole Halloween thing is traditionally strong in Ireland, so maybe this is a purposefully perverted version invented by the CIA or some other such shady imperialist organisation. Yes, that's it. They go around inventing ways of tapping into the greed of people around the world so that they will obey and follow the American way, making it virtually impossible for them to ever see America as anything but a benign, friendly nation. So there we are all smiling hypnotically while not noticing that Uncle Sam is behind us giving it to us up the mucky boreen while laughing his head off. Clever.
posted by MunsterMad at 10:10 AM
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