Friday, October 20, 2006

P-p-p-p -pickups!

The new wave has started. At first, there were just one or two, but it has now become a bit of a wave, really, if I'm to be honest about it.

I had a similar feeling back around 1992-93, when I began to notice that competition amongst farmers to get themselves "a fine jeep" was getting testy to say the least. One by one, the Volkswagen Jettas began to disappear and were slowly being replaced by the larger all-terrain vehicles; the sort of yokes, in short, that could just as easily drive over a muddy field and sheep carcasses as drive along the main street in town, leaving a trail of deposits from said fields on the uneven Irish asphalt.

Back then, the higher vehicle was a new thing, so it was. For farmers, they felt right at home sitting up high, looking down curiously on those they didn't know and saluting those they did. It called to mind driving through town in a tractor. Only, this wasn't a tractor. At all. It was fancier, warmer, it had a radio, some day it might even have a television, it could drive faster, it didn't make you bounce up and down banging your head quite as much as a tractor did, it had electric windows, it actually had windows, it smelt nice. A fine vechicle, so it was.

Then there came a gradual change. Whispered stories came from America that over there, ordinary regular people would be seen driving these vechicles, even though such vehicles were obviously designed with the farmer in mind. Yet these were being actually driven around by townies - just to show how much money they had and just to drive around in a cleaned-out version of a farmer's vehicle just because.. whatever! Fuck you! Wow. That really captured the imagination, so it did. Live the American dream right here in little old Ireland and get yourself big fat wheels with a big bastard of a vehicle attached.

Since then, the enormous gas-guzzling 4x4's have become de rigeur on the roads of our confused Republic. They've become the staple diet of those who want to propel themselves around at speed in a wasteful amount of transport space because they're worth it. This avaricious market segment has been getting itself bored and has been on the lookout for something new; something perhaps even bigger or even more wasteful. What about a large jeep which has a long extension at the back into which you put absolutely nothing! Totally fucking excellent! That's what I want, alright!! Shut up and give me the bastard! Behold!
Here you are - this yoke is multiplying so fast around the roads of Munster that they must be fucking each other. I know one woman who crams her five children into the cabin with no seatbelts while all the while she has enough space for ten more behind where there aren't any seats. Ah well, at least we have freedom of choice.

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