Election Tissues

Now that we have an election looming (and, curiously, they also have a presidential one looming in France. I don't know if that's the kind of thing that happens on purpose due to Euro-standardising or if it's just coincidental), I think that it's high time we all started to demand things for a better Ireland, isn't it? We should start setting the agenda, pushing it into place, getting it dressed up, combing its hair, de-lousing it, whatever; getting some tangibility into election issues. I, for one, will be pushing for the addition of the letter "t" to be placed directly in front of the issues. This will instantly allow such intransigent, slippery, indefinable things to become tangible, useful things. This is very important if we are ever to get a grip on issues as they arise. If they're not tangible, then how is anyone ever going to get a grip on them? Not possible, really. Think about it - just for a second before you read the next sentence... Tissues are very important in this colder, wetter sort of weather that we've been having of late. I'm going through a fair amount of tissues at the moment, and on a daily basis, so I could do with as many tissues as possible; not the stupid scented ones, mind; they're only for queers. I'm talking about the normal ones, the ones that you wouldn't be embarrassed to produce in public. We all need to insist on 4-ply strength too. I had a horrible and very messy accident last night with a 2-ply packet I bought (no, actually herself bought) in Lidl. I was a little emotional after the soccer and the beauty of it and the goal from Kilbane that was like a fragrant young flower sprouting out of an old heap of shit, and then the other goal coming so soon after and the huffing and the puffing and the near miss from a man whose best form is dearly missed and.. well, let's say I just had a heavy cold and it made my eyes weep and my nose run. I wiped my eyes with the 2-ply. Ok so far. I blow on the nose into the 2-ply and... "Fuck sake!" I shout, making the kids jump, "Look at this shit!" Like a man trying to extract a messy piece of toffee from his nose using a piece of toilet paper, only it wasn't toffee.
I screamed some more, I ran out of the room, and.... the rest doesn't really matter. I think that I've made my point on this matter, though. It's not all fun and games in the world of tissues, so it's no harm at all, no matter what your religious persuasion is, was or will ever be, to highlight these and all types of tissues with your local politician; you need something that you can get a hold of. Vote with care for people who care. yes, that's it. If nothing else, make sure not to give your vote to people who care only for themselves. It's hard to spot these people because they look and sound very much like people who do care about the Republic. And, by the way, don't be afraid to use that word "Republic". One of the few good things of permanence that Bertie has done is to try to instill the very idea of a Republic back into minds of our citizens. It's a good thing - don't worry. And we don't need to apologise to the Brits about it. I know a lot of them mightn't like it, but many of them do. Anyway, the stole our land, so that's the why.

I must check the label on those anti-biotics; I don't think the whole course was meant to last only a day and a half.