Fair James Bond

He makes a fair old James Bond, that Daniel Craig fella. He's just the same age as me too, but not as handsome, I'd like to believe. The missus thinks he's beautiful altogether, so she does. I personally don't think a whole lot of his looks; his head is a peculiar shape, for a start, far more peculiar even than my own head, but I suppose you have to be grateful for what God gave you, if there is a God. And, within peculiarity, there is very often an inherent beauty that you might not notice on first glance, or else it's the way that you notice the beauty first and not notice the peculiarity for a considerable time afterwards - normally when you get into some sort of disagreement with the person. For example, a friend of mine named ---- once was doing a strong and thick line with a girl named Alice who had a most unusually wide arse and a dramatically overhanging set of teeth. What the rest of her was like, I could not really be sure, even to this day, because those two features were so prominent that it was difficult to see beyond them. You could say that they cast a spell of ugliness and deformity over her entire face and body. On opportune occasions when Alice was out of earshot (a bit of a rarity) or somewhere else entirely (rarer still), we would take the time to point out these noticeable shortcomings to ----. We, the lads, all agreed that he was a pretty handsome fella and that it wasn't in his best interest to be seen with such an elephant seal.

We didn't put it in so many words, but the message was clear nonetheless. He understood that we only had his interest at heart, of course and took it all in his stride with a smile on his face. For he, unlike us, could not see the unattractive features in this woman, only the attactive ones. So while we couldn't keep staring at the wide berth of an arse and the cliff-hanging gnashers, all he kept on about were her beautiful eyes, her sallow clear skin, her laugh (really), and her "lovely big tits". He may have had a point about the tits - they were large-sized all right, but he couldn't see that they had simply evolved into that size solely for the geological purposes of counter-balancing her unfeasibly large arse. I thought that that would have been clear to anyone. No; nothing would do but that this Alice (if that was her real name) was a fine, sexually attractive woman who was great craic, time flew when he was with her, she could read his inner child, inventive as a Thomas Edison in the scratcher, blah blah blah... stop talking shite and get your round in! That's what one would inevitably end up saying to him. He was a bit boring when he got going about her, it has to be said.
So, it all comes down to the beholder and what's in their eyes. When I was 6th class, I had the hots for this fierce looking yoke with short hair and who had a voice like a very evil goblin. But I could see nothing but that lovely smile and that neat arse every time I looked at her - until I suddenly came to my senses one day after she had started wearing something different.