Blasting Beautiful Bantry

This is very close to where I live. The Mediterranean it is not. The South-west of Ireland it is. Bantry is a nice market town by the sea - architecturally typical Irish settlement with a reclaimed square named Wolfe Tone Square and covered in sandy-coloured bricks. Take the time to study the photos - it's not bad, is it? Nothing too hideous about it, is there? Pleasant, you might say? Yes, yes, you'd be right there. It's a pleasant kind of place by the sea all right.



But what about this for a big lump of a monstrosity? Isn't that one of the most hideous-looking designs for a building you've ever seen in your life? It's right beside an old anitque store in front of the grounds of Bantry House (which is pictured below so as not to avoid confusion) Wouldn't you think that any sane person whose job it is to look over plans of proposed buildings would say to the developer something like; "Yes, it will be a good addition to the town but it's a shit-ugly building and it will cause mass depression amongst people who have to pass it by every day, you see. So, you can have the permission to build it if you just make a little more effort in the design end of things - Might I suggest some swirls or flourishes to soften the stark lines?" But, no... obviously this didn't happen because the builders Murnane & O'Shea are flying ahead with it and will be finished it in about 3 months time. I've asked a lot of people for their opinion on the building and nobody likes it. Moreover, everyone hates it, in fact. For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would give planning permission for anyone to erect an ugly building lacking in any kind of joy or imagination. Anyway, it's a bit too late to do anything about it. At least the hotel will have a nice view of Bantry Harbour and all that lovely expanse of water in front of them and the mountains beyond. But, hang on! Hold the phone! Haven't the semi-literate fuckwits at Murnane & O'Shea only just gone and put in planning permission for a similarly drab-looking 4-storey heap of shit on the ground just across the road from it - on a piece of land that'll have the harbour waters right behind it. So, all the guests will see when they look out of their hotel window is a smaller version of the concrete box they're in and when people drive into Bantry from the Cork direction, they'll have to run the gauntlet of 2 hideous concrete bunkers on either side of them, blocking out light and happiness from their brains. There's already a nickname for it - West Cork Wood Quay.

Fair James Bond

He makes a fair old James Bond, that Daniel Craig fella. He's just the same age as me too, but not as handsome, I'd like to believe. The missus thinks he's beautiful altogether, so she does. I personally don't think a whole lot of his looks; his head is a peculiar shape, for a start, far more peculiar even than my own head, but I suppose you have to be grateful for what God gave you, if there is a God. And, within peculiarity, there is very often an inherent beauty that you might not notice on first glance, or else it's the way that you notice the beauty first and not notice the peculiarity for a considerable time afterwards - normally when you get into some sort of disagreement with the person. For example, a friend of mine named ---- once was doing a strong and thick line with a girl named Alice who had a most unusually wide arse and a dramatically overhanging set of teeth. What the rest of her was like, I could not really be sure, even to this day, because those two features were so prominent that it was difficult to see beyond them. You could say that they cast a spell of ugliness and deformity over her entire face and body. On opportune occasions when Alice was out of earshot (a bit of a rarity) or somewhere else entirely (rarer still), we would take the time to point out these noticeable shortcomings to ----. We, the lads, all agreed that he was a pretty handsome fella and that it wasn't in his best interest to be seen with such an elephant seal.

We didn't put it in so many words, but the message was clear nonetheless. He understood that we only had his interest at heart, of course and took it all in his stride with a smile on his face. For he, unlike us, could not see the unattractive features in this woman, only the attactive ones. So while we couldn't keep staring at the wide berth of an arse and the cliff-hanging gnashers, all he kept on about were her beautiful eyes, her sallow clear skin, her laugh (really), and her "lovely big tits". He may have had a point about the tits - they were large-sized all right, but he couldn't see that they had simply evolved into that size solely for the geological purposes of counter-balancing her unfeasibly large arse. I thought that that would have been clear to anyone. No; nothing would do but that this Alice (if that was her real name) was a fine, sexually attractive woman who was great craic, time flew when he was with her, she could read his inner child, inventive as a Thomas Edison in the scratcher, blah blah blah... stop talking shite and get your round in! That's what one would inevitably end up saying to him. He was a bit boring when he got going about her, it has to be said.
So, it all comes down to the beholder and what's in their eyes. When I was 6th class, I had the hots for this fierce looking yoke with short hair and who had a voice like a very evil goblin. But I could see nothing but that lovely smile and that neat arse every time I looked at her - until I suddenly came to my senses one day after she had started wearing something different.

Hooray for Hugo !

He did it again - landslide job this time and thankfully no-one calling "foul" or "Hey, all his voters are voting 5 times". Worried I might be - it's true - that his plans to alter the possible terms of office and the legislative powers of the presidential role might be a move to make himself president for life, but this is his 4th successive election victory in a country that seems to value its democracy. Chavez describes his victory as "another defeat for the devil who wants to dominate the world". American people are nice from what I've met of them, but their foreign policy sure is evil and I can see how someone like him whom the Americans have been bad-mouthing about for years (joined, on occasion by their Leading Bitches in Europe - the Brits) and who will have experienced first-hand attempts by Uncle Sam to get rid of him. Only about 20 years ago, the nearby offshore Caribbean nation of Grenada was invaded by the Americans because they didn't like the look of the new guy. So, let's hope that this is a cold slap in the face for the World Police State. Somehow, I fear that the reality in the future will involve the US getting their way and slowly but surely bringing down all the left-wing South American states to a state of anarchy like they did in the 1970's. History will repeat itself. It always does.

Fierce windy here

The wind is very fierce down here at the moment. I only hope that it stops in time for Munster's next match next week. The return of the bould Christian Cullen beckons. The man seems to have been developing a Mohawk style of hair during his recuperation from the latest in a seemingly interminable number of shoulder injuries. It's actually quite extraordinary when you think that he was sought out in 2003 as an answer to Munster's lack of depth of star quality and although he's played quite a few times since, he's spent most of the crucial games out of action because a persistently popping shoulder. You would tend to forget that he's the record-holding try-scorer for the All Blacks. But, the point is that, effectively without the talents of Cullen, Munster have managed to overcome all round them in Europe. It remains to be seen whether the speed and turn of pace of the old Cullen will come back into the Munster game, but for the above, best to consult the likes of Barry Murphy (also back after a freakish and horrific mangling of his leg last year) or the new Lifeimi Mafi. That name is, as you can imagine, a bit of a mouthful to most people from Munster, so he has been re-christened Larry Murphy, just so as to avoid any confusion, you understand.

Too Early for the Late Late Toys

A great annual occasion, it always was in my house when I was growing up, so it was; the old Late Late Toy Show, that is. Ah, yes. The memories are as fond as they are warm, staying up far later than I'd ever dreamed possible, being surrounded by boxes of Lemons sweets, glittering tinsel and sprigs of holly thoughtfully sellotaped to the wallpaper. The fire having settled to an impressive glow, we got out the old toasting fork and made toast by the fire with thick slices of Doherty's white bread. Mmmm! Thick white toast with melted butter! And then the ads would be over and we'd brush the crumbs off the pyjamas and turn our faces towards the true hearth of the Irish home to stare and drool over more toys.

Well, last night the Late Late Toy Show was on again. That plank Pat Kenny has actually improved on the charm stakes when it comes to dealing with children. It's still a constant source of annoyance to see him cut short the kids just when they're getting interesting and they way in which he nervously flits from one question to the next, giving us all the impression that he really has somewhere to go. Maybe he doesn't pay a visit to the toilet before he goes on air - I don't know. Even in the relaxing atmosphere of the Toy Show format, he still manages to stiffen up and blurt out the wrong thing. For example, last night he had an already nervous-looking younwan down from the audience to play against him in air-hockey for a prize (a game which he forfeited in a most craven way). Then, he gets her to "dance" with this impressive-looking robot and when he exits stage left with the girl standing on his platform, Timber-tongued Kenny says; "I don't know what you're going to do with her, but... Enjoy!".

Anyway, the kids enjoyed the experience for all the same reasons that I used to enjoy it. It didn't seem to matter to them that it was on a couple of weeks too early. Before, at least you would have had your Christmas decorations up when it was on, but since they've started putting it on so early, you're watching the thing in the middle of a sort-of Christmas vacuum. Strange. Time for a nap, It think.zzzzzzzzzz